If you’re a high achiever, you’re likely accustomed to spending a lot of time focused on that next big goal – a big promotion, a stretch project, maybe an athletic achievement in your free time. And you likely find yourself practicing visualization, imagining how fulfilled and happy you will be once you finally achieve it.     

Well, I have news for you: it might not. In fact, your laser focus on achieving success may, in fact, be holding you back from true success.

Socrates once said, “The man who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” Over 2,000 years later, that’s still true. 

We see evidence of this all around us, yet we are slow to adapt this to ourselves. I watched Scottie Scheffler win the PGA’s biggest purse this weekend.  He is a remarkable golfer and, by all appearances, seems like a great person too.  

What I find most remarkable about Scottie is his mindset and mental approach to golf.  After the big win, making him #1 in the world, he said he is simply looking to get better every day.  He’s not focused on being #1 or winning some number of tournaments, he’s simply looking to get better every day.  Some of the greatest athletes who have performed at the highest levels under incredible stress talk about how they are just focusing on the next play, the next at bat, the next shot. 

As an executive coach, I’ve seen highly talented individuals struggle with achieving their goals because of their attachments to success. Many of my clients have a clear idea of what they want to achieve, but some have become so fixated on the result that they have lost sight of the process and the joy of the journey. In doing so, they have lost access to their greatest potential.  

Think of a long-distance runner so wrapped up in hitting their PR at a race – and losing their focus and the joy of why they are running in the first place. 

Think of the filmmaker who is so caught up in creating commercial success that they lose their authentic artistic voice. 

Or think of the striving entrepreneur who becomes burned out just before turning their dream into a reality.  

Their happiness becomes dependent on achieving that goal, and they forget to appreciate the present moment, the process, the work.  Sadly, many quit just before all of their hard work pays off!

In my experience, one of the biggest obstacles to achieving success is this kind of attachment to outcomes. When we can free ourselves from such attachments we are able to tap into the power of our true potential.  We tap into the peace and ease that is inside us.  You’ve probably experienced glimpses of this yourself.  You get lost in a project or task and forget what time it is.  You are “in the zone”, experiencing “flow”, being fully present.  Your mind is hyper focused on the task at hand enabling you to be at your best.  Some of your best work has likely come out of some of these situations. 

Loosening your grip on your biggest attachments will not only unlock your highest performance potential, but it will also help you be the version of yourself you want to be.  You can imagine how lower stress, more peace and ease would help your relationships, thus even further increasing your performance.  Letting go of attachments reverses the vicious cycle of stress, anxiety, and decreasing performance. Turning that around into a virtuous cycle of peace, ease, and increasing performance.  

To tap into your maximum potential as a leader, it’s essential to find ways to be present and focus on the process of achieving our goals without being attached to the intended outcomes. Let results be the symptoms of all your work, perseverance, and dedication.  Instead of waiting to be happy once we achieve our goals, we can learn to be grateful for the present moment and find peace and ease along the way.  

Here are some ways you can dial into your process and let go of deep attachments to outcomes:

1. Deepen your self-knowledge – Take time out and find a quiet space to hand write answers to the following important questions:  

   a. What is the real reason I want to achieve this?   If you think it’s money, try to go deeper.  If it’s stress inducing, the reason is likely something more fundamental such as pride, fear, or comparisons to others.

   b. How can I release myself from this reason (above) and find a reason that taps into my own personal and professional growth such as learning, growing, and getting better at serving my clients or my team.  How can I find a reason that is not tied to the success of the goal, but instead tied to a more personal goal such as pursuing your dream, self-development, or self-actualization.  

   c. Take inventory of your progress, growth, and all the great work that you have done. 

2. Don’t Judge!  Observe what you find without judgment.  This is the highest order of human wisdom.   If you can do this with yourself and others, you are far more likely to achieve your goals AND feel peace and ease in the process.

3. Revisit your plan – Make sure you have scheduled the time you need on your calendar.  Make sure the people you need are clear on what you need. 

4. De-bug mental models – Explore deeply the talk track in your head.  Replace the buggy parts of that talk track with something that works for you.  We can use mental models to reframe our thinking and change our narratives. For example, instead of focusing on what we lack, we can focus on our strengths and what we bring to the table. We can also envision a scenario in which we don’t achieve our goal and come to peace with that outcome. If you are still intrinsically motivated even when you know that failure is very much an option, you know you have chosen something that genuinely lights a fire inside. 

5. Focus only on what you control. You can’t control the weather or the competition on the day of a big race, but you can make sure that we put the mileage in. You can’t guarantee that a client will like your approach, but you can make sure that you are as prepared as possible heading into the pitch meeting. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control our actions and our attitude. By focusing on what you can control, you can reduce your anxiety and stress levels, which will improve your performance.

It’s essential to remember that the pursuit of success is a journey, not a destination. We will encounter obstacles and setbacks along the way, but it’s how we deal with these challenges that defines us. By embracing the process and finding joy in the journey, we can become more resilient and achieve our wildest dreams and do so with more peace and ease in our lives.

However, detaching from the outcome doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be ambitious or strive for success. It means that we need to find a balance between being goal-oriented and being present in the moment. We need to appreciate the journey while also keeping our eyes on the prize.  Srikumar Rao, the author of one of my favorite books, Modern Wisdom, Ancient Roots captures this well when he says. 

“Strive with might and main to accomplish a great goal, but inwardly be completely at peace no matter the outcome of your prodigious effort.” – Srikumar Rao 

I’ve worked with many executives who have become so fixated on their goals that they’ve lost sight of what’s important. They’ve sacrificed their health, relationships, and even their values to achieve success. Attachments to success can kill your progress and grind you down. They create counterproductive behavior that can prevent you from achieving your goals. By learning to detach from the outcome, finding joy in the journey, and focusing on what you can control, you can become more resilient and achieve your goals – not only with greater ease, but with a greater sense of joy for the work itself.